Sexual Difficulties
Essentially, sex is fun and can be one of the great rewards of being together. Sexual difficulties can emerge at any time, but especially in times of stress and change. Relationship problems can arise from sexual difficulties, but sexual problems may also be an indication of deeper problems in the relationship.
While one partner may use the frequency of sex to gauge how he or she is loved and valued, the other may have intimacy as the benchmark. When a couple has ‘gone off’ sex, it can reveal their deeper attitude to trust, love and control. Is the problem about unsatisfactory sex or does the sexual problem indicate a deeper issue that needs to be explored? Emotional trust is the foundation stone of physical intimacy.
There are a number of possible indicators of a sexual problem in a relationship:
Lack of interest or desire in one or both partners
When sex causes disappointment
When sex is difficult or painful for one partner
When sex is the subject of rows or sulks
Erectile problems
Families pass on unspoken messages about sex that can cause unnecessary distress in couples. Often individuals need to explore their own sexuality away from such pressures.
What feels good and what feels disappointing? Attitudes inherited from childhood or out of ignorance can cause unnecessary misery. Cultural pressure may require a detached and analytical re-examination to allow a couple to make their own rules.
Furthermore, sometimes traumatic sexual experiences from childhood or past relationships can emerge in a present relationship. With trust, these can be explored and resolved.
How therapy can help:
Couples Therapy offers a warm, empathic, safe and confidential environment in which the therapist and you collaboratively explore physical communication and the understanding of what sex means to two particular people. Sex may be mechanical and a way to maintain a safe distance for one person. In such cases, the partner may mourn the lack of intimacy and trust which would allow them to feel safe and enjoy sex.
Withdrawal of sex can happen when a person has no alternative way to express their anger and disappointment; so the forbidden feelings are acted out in the bedroom.
Control and power are often issues in difficult sexual relationships, as one partner may be unconsciously exerting the control and power they feel they lack outside the bedroom.
