Relationships come in all forms: life partners, family, friends, colleagues, community and most importantly, with ourselves. They play a very important role in our overall wellbeing and bring great meaning and fulfillment to our lives. Studies show that strong and lasting relationships help to contribute to long and healthy lives. Relationships can, however, often be a struggle.
In Relationship Matters we offer individuals and couples a supportive and non-judgmental therapeutic space to help you to explore and resolve the issues that get in the way, so that you can move towards making positive life changes.Only through our connectedness to others can we truly know and enhance the Self. Yet it is only through working on the Self, that we begin to enhance our connectedness to others.
It is never too late to move differently in our key relationships. In the short term, the changes we make and the initial reactions we evoke , may leave us feeling scared, frustrated, angry and very separate. However, like many things in life, it is a matter of sitting with short-term anxiety for long-term gain.
In long-term relationships we are called upon to navigate that delicate balance between separateness and connectedness and we are confronted with the challenge of sustaining both- without losing either when the going gets tough. In relationship matters we recognise and respect that it is a challenge to change and our hope is to facilitate you
to resolve these problems you are having in your life and relationships.
We often ask a great deal of each other and the greater the burdens we place upon our relationships, the more stressed and fragile they become. Impossible expectations, unmet needs and unmeshed needs are continuing sources of marital tension and strife.
Often our early lessons in love and our developmental history shape the expectations we bring into our long-term relationships. When it comes to love we stubbornly cling to our illusions as human beings. Relationships are harder now because sometimes conversations become texting, arguments can become phone calls and feelings can become status updates! One of the biggest problems with communication is that people often do not listen to understand, they listen to reply.
In a relationship that is working, the communication is good because both people feel supported, cared for & loved.
The all important three C’s:
1) Compromise
2) Communication
3) Consistency
"Conflict is normal, but unhealthy relationship patterns sometimes emerge in conflict situations including escalation, withdrawal, negative interpretations, and putdowns" Gottman, 1994.
Unhelpful behaviours include :
• Stonewalling
• Making character attacks
• Trying to be right rather than compromising
• Blaming others for your actions
• Shaming: “You always…” or “You never…”
• Not listening
• Assuming you know what your partner is thinking and feeling, rather than asking them
• Bringing up conflicts from the past when discussing a current conflict
• Being defensive
• Avoiding conflict altogether
Each occasionally occurs in healthy relationships too, but when they become the norm, couples often need specialised help.
Our goal is to support you in understanding that communication is not merely a matter of style or personal preference but that it entails a series of “skills” that can be developed, refined, practiced, and revisited as necessary.
When you learn to explain your anger and work out how to express it, you will open the door to solutions instead of arguments.
Individual Therapy
At Relationship Matters we offer one-to-one counselling and psychotherapy with qualified, highly experienced, supervised and accredited therapists. It is a confidential process whereby the individual can explore their attitudes, beliefs, behaviours, worries, fears and concerns. Every individual is unique and valuable and we in Relationship Matters believe that we are all trying to move towards integration of body, mind and spirit. We believe in the individual’s ability to move beyond their symptoms toward a more meaningful existence.
We can help you to explore and identify what you would like to change, set personal goals and through the process come to a better understanding of your self. Our primary focus will be on helping you to make changes in the here and now and at times it is both important and necessary to understand where certain patterns stem from in terms of underlying causes. We believe that the best approach to therapy is one which combines a number of different approaches and philosophies according to the needs of each individual. A pre-made questionnaire and clipboard won’t define your treatment – you will. The extent of our therapist’s intensive training makes it possible to approach each person as an individual. What this means is a treatment that is tailored to suit you and only you.
At Relationship Matters, we can offer you a safe and supportive space to work through anything that may be troubling you, even if you are not sure what it is. We believe that the individual holds within, the seeds of recovery, enhanced self- awareness and personal growth.
Couples Therapy
Couples therapy is a process in which a therapist with expertise in the area, helps two people gain insight into their relationship, resolve conflict, and improve overall communication and well being within the relationship. By listening attentively to each person, our therapists’ can help the couple hear what they are saying to each other in a new way.
People go to couple therapy to learn how to work through their differences, communicate better and problem solve through the challenges in the relationship. Sessions will focus on finding a direction for change to occur. Over time couples will be better able to recognise and manage differences by learning techniques to improve communication, understand each other more effectively and resolve conflict. A new healthy secure attachment to each other is the goal of the therapy where communication is open and honest and new patterns of interaction are in place. As a result of this there can be an increase in intimacy and fulfilment from the relationship.
Although the practice of couple therapy may vary depending on the issues presented, all couple therapy tends to involve the following general elements:
• A focus on a specific problem (i.e. sexual issues, poor communication, anger, jealousy)
• Active participation on the part of the therapist on treating the relationship rather than each individual separately
• Solution focused, change oriented interventions early on in counselling
• A clear establishment of the goals for counselling
Child and Adolescent Therapy
Children and Teenagers often face a range of difficulties as they grow up. Often with the support of parents and other significant people in their lives they can overcome these. However, at times they may need additional support. If they are finding things particularly difficult, you may notice changes in their emotions or behaviour, or their relationships at home, school or with friends and there may be changes in their concentration and learning.
Through counselling with a skilled professional, children can be helped to talk about these difficulties, develop skills in coping and identify their strengths and resilience. Our therapists match their approach to fit the child or teenager, for example with younger children play and art therapy may be beneficial, while teenagers may prefer talking therapy. Working collaboratively with parents is an important part of this process at times.
At Relationship Matters our therapists are experienced in working with children and teenagers who are experiencing:
• Low mood and depression
• Low self esteem and confidence
• Worry/anxiety/panic attacks
• Anger and anger management
• Grief/loss
• Peer relationship difficulties including bullying
• Trauma
• Behaviour problems
• Family relationships including conflict in the home.
Fertility Counselling and Psychotherapy
The emotional toll of infertility can be extremely taxing on a couple’s relationship, and may affect each partner differently. Treatments like IVF can be extremely stressful and exhausting, it also challenges a couple in a way few other experiences can.
Learning to navigate feelings of guilt, shame, and disappointment together (plus being sincerely understanding) is key for a couple to come out on the other end with a stronger bond instead of letting infertility tear them apart.
Though each couple's struggle is unique, there are some common threads that might appear in any infertility journey.
• Feelings of inadequacy are common, especially when medical tests show infertility is one partner's "fault".
• Also feelings of embarrassment or shame as couple’s can often feel that no-one else (that they know) is going through the same thing and often other’s (friends/family members) don’t know how to support them and say all the wrong things.
• On top of the everyday stresses, and the looming anxiety of not being pregnant, there's also the money factor, which is one of the biggest things couples disagree over.
• Also, sex can easily turn into a chore for couples struggling to conceive. Couples often lose the association with pleasure and often there’s a loss of a sense of intimacy, loss of fun and playfulness. There's nothing fun and playful about infertility—it’s serious work—so sex starts to take on this negative association, too.
At times, couples can often feel closer as a result of weathering the storm together. Ann Bracken’s advice is for couples to stay in the moment more and not look ahead, because it can be very overwhelming. In her comprehensive and supportive book “Mind, Body, Baby” Ann gives help and guidance on how to enhance and improve the outcome. Ann’s focus is on mindfulness-based stress reduction techniques, which have been scientifically proven to help overcome the stress and anxiety associated with fertility problems. Ann helps couples to examine the emotional issues around fertility and conception and offers step-by-step exercises to help couples improve their chances of conceiving.